Divorce Talk Radio: October 19, 2013


In this show, we discussed how to deal with increased stress levels generally and in connection with divorce related issues. Divorce falls in the top 10 life stressors. Even knowing and being supportive of some one who is contemplating or going through a divorce and adjusting to a new life can be stressful.

Can someone going through a divorce learn to chill out and keep their sanity? My guests Elaine Miller-Karas, LMFT, and Jennifer Burton, LMFT, CEAT answer with a definitive “yes you can!” At the Trauma Resource Institute (TRI) they teach resiliency and wellness skills to both professionals and lay persons. These are skills that you help you bounce back from stress. Burton said even her teenage son uses them when he gets stressed and pushes on the wall instead of getting angry. There’s even an app for that called iChill that can be downloaded on your smartphone or PC. More information on TRI can be found at www.traumaresourceinstitute.com.

Exercise seems to be a common theme, seemingly a healthy way to get you feeling better. Whether you have a daily workout regimen like me or dance in the kitchen while making dinner like my paralegal Sharon said she does, the release of physical tension and endorphins created by working up a sweat and getting our hearts thumping faster works for many of us. Engaging in physical activity with family members whether you prefer games like soccer, racket sports or softball should help reduce your stress levels.

Like many other family law attorneys, I spend a lot of time listening to my clients emotional issues as well as financial and legal matters. I’m working on building my network of marriage and family therapists to provide my clients who can benefit from professional psychological help with good counselors who fit their personalities and budgets.

From a legal perspective, I try to help my clients reduce their stress by providing them with a roadmap through the divorce process. When clients understand the steps they have to take to land of their feet after divorce, they begin to decrease fears so they can instead feel empowered. I also help them build a team to help them through the divorce process and get them needed advice on financial and emotional problems.

My guest Jerry Cohen, a CPA who’s trained in collaborative methodology on the financial end, helps some of my clients with financial issues. One stressor clients seem to have is procrastination. Some are uncomfortable dealing with money issues while others don’t like math or fear economic realities. These discomforts may result in delays. If you delay or avoid filling out California’s mandated financial disclosure forms and gathering required financial documents, you may end up in more financial turmoil and alienate your judge.

If you let the discomfort and delay grow, you may have temporary relief from stress but eventually the price tag for the delay will likely only cost you more.

The topic of our next show is child custody and what happens when one parent wants to move away, either with or without the children. There is no shortage of stress in making new arrangements for the children when that happens, but there are choices in attitudes that can make the transition smoother for everyone.

If you have questions you’d like me to cover on this topic, please email them to me at lisa@divorcetalkradiocalifornia.com or you may call in to KVTA at (805) 650-1590 during the show on Saturday, October 26 between 3:00 and 4:00 PM.